on nicole.

I have a propensity to romanticize. I won't here.

It's only now, after all the dust has settled, that I realize that it was never about getting over her. It was about getting over myself.

Looking back, I think she really loved me, and wanted me to be a better person. She saw me for everything I could be and was upset when I didn't live up to that. In that light, in the light of that kind of love, all the little things I got angry about seem selfish and self-absorbed.

So, honestly and without pretension, all I can say is that I'm sorry for everything that I did. Sorry that things turned out the way they have, sorry I disappointed her, sorry for the bitterness and stupidity that's come between two people who could have been good friends - could've been more than friends, could have been in each other's lives for a very long time.

I'm not sure she knows just how much she meant to me. And I would give both legs if I could have a chance to redo it all over again.

A part of me will always belong to Nicole; caught up in quiet moments, in jennifs and chocolate, in the days of two people alone in the world. That part of me will always exist, even if the rest of me forgets, moves on. For better or for worse, I loved Nicole. Even if what I didn't always show it.